Once upon a time, in the not-too-distant land of Perry, UT, Joe and Michelle Drago built a home on a hill. Their home on a hill has a driveway on a hill (on the same hill actually) and the driveway is not flat. No, no, no. In fact, the driveway is significantly steeply sloped.
Once upon a time, in the not-too-distant past (March 24, 2018), Lance and Teresa visited Joe and Michelle at their not-too-distant home in Perry, UT and parked Teresa’s truck (Teresa LOVES her truck) on the significantly steeply sloped driveway.
After an entertaining evening of Pinochle and pudding (actually the scrumptious dessert Michelle made probably was not pudding but I like the alliteration…), the Hislops headed home. Lance took the driver’s seat, started the truck, shifted into reverse, and attempted to back down the driveway. Thwarted by the parking brake, he attempted to release it. Thwarted by a lack of knowledge about the location of the parking brake release in Teresa’s truck (and unwilling to pull the wrong handle in case he popped the hood instead because.releasing the hood when backing down a driveway could be such a safety hazard…) Lance opened the door and stepped out of the truck.
Standing at eye level with the release handles, Lance quickly determined which was the appropriate handle and successfully released the parking brake. The truck began quickly moving down the driveway. Lance, thwarted by the rapidly rolling truck, the open driver’s side door that was pushing him from behind, and a body with five decades of life experience, was unable to get back into the truck to stop its descent.
Teresa, who was seated safely in the passenger seat, began to fear greatly for the safety of her truck and for the safety of the half million dollar home located directly behind her on the street’s west side. Also hampered by five decades of life experience, she did not have the agility or speed to move into the driver’s seat so she grabbed the truck’s steering wheel and pulled it clockwise, successfully changing the truck’s trajectory. The truck’s back end swung south, saving the house to the west. As the truck’s end swung south, its nose swung north and knocked Lance to the ground.
On the ground by the driver’s side door, Lance found himself in the immediate path of the north swinging front tires. Fearing for his life (with good reason), his 50 year old body found some adrenaline-induced energy and he rolled away from the approaching tires.
In the meantime, back in the cab, Teresa saw Lance disappear under the truck, realized the unintended consequences of her steering wheel grabbing maneuver, and was dealing with the horrifying realization that she had probably just run over her husband when the truck mysteriously starting moving forward, retracing its former path. Certain that she had now run over her husband not once but twice, Teresa sat in stunned silence as the truck rolled back up the driveway, and came to rest when it hit the car that was parked there.
In the meantime, back on the street (literally), having successfully dodged the truck’s front tires once, Lance looked up just in time to see those same front tires heading towards him again. Certain that his wife was intentionally trying to kill him, he found another font of adrenaline induced energy and once again rolled out of the path of the oncoming vehicle, successfully dodging death for the second time.
The truck was at rest; Teresa and Lance were not. Teresa was terrified thinking that she had run over Lance twice. Lance was traumatized thinking that Teresa had tried to run over him twice.
In the end, the only casualty was Lance’s white shirt. The half-million dollar house was untouched. The lens and cell phone that fell from Lance’s glasses and pocket in the Great Rolling Escape, were recovered undamaged from the street. Teresa was cleared from blame when they realized that, in pulling the steering wheel down, she must have hit the shifting handle and knocked the gears from Reverse into Drive. She accidently caused the truck to move forward; Lance’s second encounter with the truck’s tires was not any more intentionally caused than was the first. And the dent in the bumper of the Drago’s car popped back out.
It was a night of miracles and morals. Miracles that no one and nothing (except the sacrificial white shirt) was hurt. Morals…..You decide the moral of this story!