Kids say the darndest things! Art Linkletter started documenting some of the darndest things said by kids on his radio show House Party and his television series Art Linkletter’s House Party. Bill Cosby continued the tradition in his “Kids Say the Darndest Things”comedy series, a CBS show that aired from 1998 to 2000. Now it is my turn. Kids do say the darndest things
and, with my church calling in Primary, my professional calling at Ogden Preparatory Academy, and my divine calling as a mother, I am exposed to a lot of kids who say a lot of “darndest”
things.
Last week in Primary I taught the children that it was part of God’s plan that Adam and Eve leave the Garden of Eden, an event we call the Fall. In response to my question“Where did Adam and Eve live when they first came to Earth?” one young girl said, “England”. Some may agree that England is like unto paradise but not many….
When I taught the concept to the older children (8-11 years old), I was inundated by a flood of questions that nearly washed me away. “How is God all powerful?” “What made Jesus good and Satan bad?” “How does God know everything?” “Is the Garden of Eden still on Earth?” “Why did God make Adam and Eve eat the fruit?”
In response to the last question, I explained that God did not MAKE Adam and Eve do anything. In fact He does not MAKE anyone do anything. He has given us agency and He respects our ability to make choices. “We cannot choose consequences but we can choose ouactions,” I taught, “and God will not interfere with our ability to choose. He does not MAKE us do anything.”
As I finished, Jake’s hand shot up and waved wildly. Yes Jake?
“God does not make us do anything,” Jake said, “but He sure gives us great advice.” YES He does!!!
February 14th, 2013. Third Period. Just after the bell rings. Eighth graders working mostly-quietly on the assigned task. Teacher (me) taking roll. Out of the blue, Josh—a quiet young man, one who rarely speaks at all and never voluntarily—says “Mrs. Hislop, Will you be my Valentine?”
“Absolutely,” I affirmed emphatically. “I would LOVE to be your Valentine. Thank you so much for asking….(Slight pause I recovered from the shock Josh’s invitation invoked)….Just what does that entail?”
Josh was silent but, from the seat behind him, Dallon was not. “It means,” Dallon explained,“that Ben owes Josh $3.” Ah
ha!
At parent teacher conference Ben’s mom told me that there is a sign on their bathroom door that reads “Science fair project in progress. Do not enter!” Love it.
“I want to live until I am 87,” Miles declared. Why? Because 87 is the highest number worn by one of his top five favorite Green Bay football players.
Studying for my climate science class is challenging with Mr. I-cannot-go-32-seconds-without-mentioning-Green-Bay Miles. My reading went something like this:
Read: Total Sun Irradiance and sunspots.....
Hear: Mom, how do you spell awesome?”
Read: “Climate switch back….
Hear: “Mom, I am going to put a sign that says ‘Warning: Green Bay Territory’ on my door.”
Read: There are three Milankovitch cycles: eccentricity, obliquity, and…….
Hear: “Where are the green and yellow markers Mom?”
Read: The natural climate drivers are solar irradiance, greenhouse…..
Hear: “Mom, Which ways does a ‘d’ go?”
Read: There are no known natural climate drivers that would cause the climate to warm as much as it has over the last half century……..
Hear: “Do you know where the tape is Mom?”
Miles likes a girl. A girl! And, like most men of all ages, he does not understand them very well. “M---
does not like me anymore,” he lamented. Why do you say that?, I asked. I accidentally insulted her best friend and her best friend told me that she does not like me now.” Maybe her best friend just said that; maybe she does still like you. Does she act like she likes you? “She still pokes me during reading.” Then she likes you. “No, she just pokes me as a friend.” Miles, do you poke people that are just your friends? “No.” Neither does she; if a girl pokes you, she likes you. “Oh.” [GRIN] Poke taken.
Lance asked Miles if he could teach him wrestling technique. “But Dad,” Miles said, “You are too big for me.” Tanah retorted, “With Dad and wrestling, one size fits all.”
Kids are not the only ones who say the darndest things. Sometimes adults say some pretty crazy things too.
When I awakened Lance Saturday morning he said, “Wait!I have to line up the apple cores.” This, thought I, is going to be fun!
Me: Line up the apple cores?
Lance: Yes, I have to get them in a line.
Me: You are going to put the apple cores in a line?.
Lance (impatiently): YES. I must put them in a line inside the dice.
Me: Inside the dice?
Lance (even more impatiently): YES, in the dice. In the 12 sided dice.
Me: 12 sided dice?
Lance (really annoyed at my inability to understand him): Yes, inside the 12 sided, pyrite dice.
Right.
So…………when the dog bites, when the bee stings, when I’m feeling sad……….I simply remember some the darndest
things, and then I don’t feel so bad!!!
Love,
Teresa
and, with my church calling in Primary, my professional calling at Ogden Preparatory Academy, and my divine calling as a mother, I am exposed to a lot of kids who say a lot of “darndest”
things.
Last week in Primary I taught the children that it was part of God’s plan that Adam and Eve leave the Garden of Eden, an event we call the Fall. In response to my question“Where did Adam and Eve live when they first came to Earth?” one young girl said, “England”. Some may agree that England is like unto paradise but not many….
When I taught the concept to the older children (8-11 years old), I was inundated by a flood of questions that nearly washed me away. “How is God all powerful?” “What made Jesus good and Satan bad?” “How does God know everything?” “Is the Garden of Eden still on Earth?” “Why did God make Adam and Eve eat the fruit?”
In response to the last question, I explained that God did not MAKE Adam and Eve do anything. In fact He does not MAKE anyone do anything. He has given us agency and He respects our ability to make choices. “We cannot choose consequences but we can choose ouactions,” I taught, “and God will not interfere with our ability to choose. He does not MAKE us do anything.”
As I finished, Jake’s hand shot up and waved wildly. Yes Jake?
“God does not make us do anything,” Jake said, “but He sure gives us great advice.” YES He does!!!
February 14th, 2013. Third Period. Just after the bell rings. Eighth graders working mostly-quietly on the assigned task. Teacher (me) taking roll. Out of the blue, Josh—a quiet young man, one who rarely speaks at all and never voluntarily—says “Mrs. Hislop, Will you be my Valentine?”
“Absolutely,” I affirmed emphatically. “I would LOVE to be your Valentine. Thank you so much for asking….(Slight pause I recovered from the shock Josh’s invitation invoked)….Just what does that entail?”
Josh was silent but, from the seat behind him, Dallon was not. “It means,” Dallon explained,“that Ben owes Josh $3.” Ah
ha!
At parent teacher conference Ben’s mom told me that there is a sign on their bathroom door that reads “Science fair project in progress. Do not enter!” Love it.
“I want to live until I am 87,” Miles declared. Why? Because 87 is the highest number worn by one of his top five favorite Green Bay football players.
Studying for my climate science class is challenging with Mr. I-cannot-go-32-seconds-without-mentioning-Green-Bay Miles. My reading went something like this:
Read: Total Sun Irradiance and sunspots.....
Hear: Mom, how do you spell awesome?”
Read: “Climate switch back….
Hear: “Mom, I am going to put a sign that says ‘Warning: Green Bay Territory’ on my door.”
Read: There are three Milankovitch cycles: eccentricity, obliquity, and…….
Hear: “Where are the green and yellow markers Mom?”
Read: The natural climate drivers are solar irradiance, greenhouse…..
Hear: “Mom, Which ways does a ‘d’ go?”
Read: There are no known natural climate drivers that would cause the climate to warm as much as it has over the last half century……..
Hear: “Do you know where the tape is Mom?”
Miles likes a girl. A girl! And, like most men of all ages, he does not understand them very well. “M---
does not like me anymore,” he lamented. Why do you say that?, I asked. I accidentally insulted her best friend and her best friend told me that she does not like me now.” Maybe her best friend just said that; maybe she does still like you. Does she act like she likes you? “She still pokes me during reading.” Then she likes you. “No, she just pokes me as a friend.” Miles, do you poke people that are just your friends? “No.” Neither does she; if a girl pokes you, she likes you. “Oh.” [GRIN] Poke taken.
Lance asked Miles if he could teach him wrestling technique. “But Dad,” Miles said, “You are too big for me.” Tanah retorted, “With Dad and wrestling, one size fits all.”
Kids are not the only ones who say the darndest things. Sometimes adults say some pretty crazy things too.
When I awakened Lance Saturday morning he said, “Wait!I have to line up the apple cores.” This, thought I, is going to be fun!
Me: Line up the apple cores?
Lance: Yes, I have to get them in a line.
Me: You are going to put the apple cores in a line?.
Lance (impatiently): YES. I must put them in a line inside the dice.
Me: Inside the dice?
Lance (even more impatiently): YES, in the dice. In the 12 sided dice.
Me: 12 sided dice?
Lance (really annoyed at my inability to understand him): Yes, inside the 12 sided, pyrite dice.
Right.
So…………when the dog bites, when the bee stings, when I’m feeling sad……….I simply remember some the darndest
things, and then I don’t feel so bad!!!
Love,
Teresa
Grace on the bench...but not for long.
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Grace and Tanah at the end of our annual frig cleaning
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Grace drives to the basket
Grace makes her first shot in an SAA game. The team went wild (as did her mother!). YEA GRACE!
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