In the spirit of Jeff Foxworthy’s “You might be a redneck if…”, (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/You_Might_Be_a_Redneck_If%E2%80%A6) we have created a “You might be in quarantine if….” list. Here goes…
You might be in quarantine if….
…..your mother is rationing toilet paper squares
…..you join weight watchers...watching your weight go up and up and up
…..you shower less frequently that a 12 year old boy
…..you see more of your family than ever before, even though family reunions have been cancelled
…..you are more excited to go on a walk than your dog is
......the virus on your mind is literal, not virtual.
…..bread machine yeast has disappeared from grocery store shelves
…..Zoom is a meeting, not a truck without a muffler
…..must have a probe stuck up your nose [COVID test] before they will stick one up your butt [colonoscopy].
…..department store dressing rooms are closed for your safety; trying on a bra is more dangerous than going without one.
.....you have named all your houseplants.
….getting within 5 feet of someone feels intimate
.....you are hoping for a vaccine instead of trying to avoid vaccinations
….you finished the sweater you started knitting 25 years ago.
….you are watching reruns of 1972 golf tournaments on ESPN
….you get cited for going the wrong way on the grocery aisle
….you wish for a haircut more than a Hershey bar
….you don't have any unread Readers Digests in your house
….you get in trouble for NOT wearing a mask when entering the bank
....your honey-do list shrinks and your waist expands
....you run out of clean cleaning rags before you run out of clean underwear
....you have to have your temperature taken before you can check out a library book
....your social highlight of the week is a visit to the grocery store
....flattening the curve has nothing to do with losing weight or grading roads.
....your children want to go to school.
…your wish that the state would “go green” has nothing to do with protecting the environment
....you are reading this and identifying with more than 10 of the above statements!!!
I hope you enjoyed reading these as least partially as much as we enjoyed creating them. Speaking of which, I would really enjoy reading your “You might be in quarantine if….” insights. Please share!
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